by E. Scripsi
Herbert North, the most feared and reviled critic in the world, stopped by a newsstand to leaf through the new issue of Criticism Today magazine, in which he was featured. His well-cared-for face glowed from the cover, critical acumen glistening behind his glasses. Late for a conference where he planned to delivery a devastating critique, he leafed quickly. There, before the newsstand, the world-renowned, feared and reviled critic collapsed, weeping. Passers by looked away in embarrassment as they stepped over his prostrate and sobbing figure. Phrases like “Human fire hydrant spewing watery pabulum,” and “In short, a bloviating hack,” bounced around the tinny echo chamber of his mind until a voice broke in.
“You cry on it, buddy, you buy it.”