Now Dawns a Glorious New Era

by Norm De Plume

The assembled world dignitaries and members of the press fell into a breathless silence as the tall, robed alien cleared his throat and prepared to speak telepathically.

“PEOPLE OF EARTH, IN ORDER TO DEMONSTRATE OUR PEACEFUL INTENTIONS, WE HAVE DECIDED TO SHARE WITH YOU SOME OF OUR ADVANCED TECHNOLOGIES.  BEHOLD, A PUMP WHICH DRAWS THE AIR OUT OF FOOD STORAGE BAGS, ALLOWING LEFTOVERS TO REMAIN EDIBLE FOR WEEKS ON END!”

Noticing a pronounced lack of enthusiasm  amongst the audience members, the alien being did a quick telepathic scan.

“HUH.  OKAY, I SEE YOU’VE GOT THAT ONE ALREADY.  NO BIG DEAL.  UH… HERE.  THESE CLOTHS CAN ABSORB UP TO 10 TIMES THE LIQUID YOUR STANDARD EARTH PAPER TOWELS CAN. NOW DAWNS A GLORIOUS NEW ERA OF PEACE AND…”

He paused and scanned again.

“DAMN.  OKAY, UH… HOW ABOUT A DEVICE FOR SHOOTING SALAD COMPONENTS INTO A BOWL? NO? A SOUND ACTIVATED ON/OFF SWITCH FOR LIGHT SOURCES?”

“A WATCH WITH A BUILT IN CALCULATOR?”

REALLY?”

“SHIT.  OKAY, FINE.  YOU WIN.  YOU CAN HAVE THE INTERPLANETARY DEATH RAY…”

THE END

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: